Some readers may find this inappropriate,
readers discretion is advise.
STOP! Really, before you start reading this, let me tell you. If you find swear words bad, then your too young to read this. And this may be call a kid show, but this is more then a cartoon... It's The Ren & Stimpy Show: Adult Party Cartoon in a pre-school style... AND IT'S AN EDUCATIONAL SHOW! Hang on to your seat readers, cause this episode and the series... is Hell.
Fan Episode: "Big Brother Caillou" [Caillou]
Why does this show exist? I watch this show and, it's the worst kids show I've ever seen. Many people say that Max & Ruby is the worst, no, Max & Ruby HAS CREATION!!! It tells perfect stories and it even stays on the same plot. Why am I telling you this, cause if you run into this show, you should literally change the channel before the kids beg to turn it back.
This is how I describe the show, It's about a bald brat that so spoil that he gets what he wants. Let's talk about the characters
Caillou (let me note it stands for pebbles in French) is what he suppose to be “an average, imaginative four-year-old boy with a love for forms of transportive machinery such as rocket ships and airplanes. A dreamer, Caillou is prone to frequent dream sequences in some episodes visualizing his daydreams and hopes, and many episodes chronicle his normal daily experiences with his parents, friends, and neighbors.” You know what he really is in the show? A whinny spoiled brat. And that quote was taken from Wikipedia. Ok, so in the new episodes he's mature and doesn't cries, but back then he was Satan’s baby. Even still in the new episodes he's still unlikeable. But let's focus why he's unlikeable.
Here's one thing, he's a spoiled brat. He cries and throws tantrums. The creator says that he portrays a 2-4 year old perfectly, so its OK right? NO! I don't think a 2-4 year old will act like that, well maybe but I know that, and I'm 13!
Now to the rest, Caillou's parents have an IQ of -38, seriously watch one of the episodes or THIS EPISODE to get what I mean. They're like the prototypes of Mr. & Ms. Turner from The Fairly OddParents. Rosie is at times likable, but at times she's a BIT bratty. The other characters that are more likable then Caillou is the Grandparents. They portray more like grandparents.
The only thing that is good is the puppet segments with the blue T-Rex, the teddy bear, and the cat Gilbert. Yes they have a cat so deal with it. Now let's look into the series, the plots in the episodes are short and are cliché at times, others are more boring or stupid like Dora The Explorer. So Let me tell you why I hate this more then Dora The Explorer. And this episode is a perfect example of why educational shows must die. (Ok, maybe some but not all. But I prefer if these kinds of shows like Oswald or Max & Ruby were more of an entertainment. Cause if you make a mistake in an educational show it will be controversial)
The episode starts with, a demonic Caillou doll starring at my soul. And were off to a GREAT START! And the first thing you'll see is the ugly animation, at least it's trying to be the same motion like Arthur but the designs are pretty damn ugly. (Also did I ever tell you how I find big lips on cartoon or animes ugly for some reason?) BTW how old are the kids in the beginning? They look more like teenagers from Barney The Dinosaur. You know what? Forget it, the beginning has nothing to do with the fucking episode, the only thing it's for is telling who the hell the narrator in the show is. I prefer not knowing what they look like cause in fact the narrator looks a bit ugly. (In the cartoon, not in person)
So the REAL story begins with Caillou having a fetish over his pregnant mother. (Ok, it might sound offensive but don't take it personal) And here's a problem, the show ADMITS Caillou is 2 ½ years old, remind me that cause it's going to be important. Also the voice acting its pretty bad like in Mega Babies. Also remind me how Caillou talks in this scene. So we found out what are plot is about, The Main Character Get's Jealous Over A New Born Sibling. Let me tell you it a bit cliché plot but you must do that kind of plot right or you'll get something like this. (Should they really say hospital? I don't know what they should not say before the baby comes in these kinds of plot, also it feels like a rehash of Arthur's Baby) So Caillou is waiting for the baby to come with his grandma cause of course she is, she's there to take care of him.
Also, do you notice how creepy the characters eyes are? Are they suppose to be cute? Cause it looks too small and creepy to be cute. Wanna know what's more creepy? These eyes that are too fucking small ACTUALLY HAVE PUPILS! When the parents comes home in there MOST CREATIVE CAR in the history of cars, Caillou starts to jump and shout like a bitch cause that's what he suppose to do. Yeah so Caillou's voice is very terrible, back then and now. The parents come home and the mother shows Caillou that she can talk with her mouth close. (oh yeah and the baby too) Also is Caillou looking at the baby? Cause his pose doesn't even look like he's looking at the baby. Also I hate to admit it but the baby does look cute. Give them a point for that.
Wow, the episode admits that Caillou doesn't like his sibling in JUST 6 SECONDS before the adults crowd the baby cause she's cute. So I take it back what I said about Caillou, He's not a brat, he's a fucking hellion. So the parents starts to talk about Rosie, cause that's WHAT REAL PARENTS DO! So deal with it Caillou you fucking devil. And then the baby cries cause that what babies do, it was so realistic that it felt real. I'm serious, listen to her cry, it almost sounds like a real baby being pinch. You can even hear the malice! I want to know who the sound effect guy was to I can beat him up for pinching a real life baby.
The narrator says that Rosie wasn't happy and nether was Caillou, so the narrator has shitty grammar. (or IDK it doesn't make sense) Caillou isn't happy cause he wasn't getting attention. First of all I know kids get like this but the parents only did it once and it was never shown in the entire episode, they must keep doing it to make sense or otherwise it makes Caillou look like an ass. Second, remind me that cause it might be important.
Things to Remember
Caillou is 2 ½
The way Caillou talks
Caillou is angry cause he wasn't getting attention
Caillou was so angry that he... didn't like his doll anymore and throws it at the wall, and then it cuts to the next scene. Ok, what the fuck was the point about that scene? I have a few things about that scene. One, is that why does Caillou have a doll? Does that mean that his parents want a girl? It makes too much sense. Two, was this actually filler? Cause if it was, what the hell kind of kids show am I watching? Three and finally, cut this out and the episode will be normal. The way the narrator said sounded more stupid then what Tentacolino said what will he do if someone harms his friend.
The next scene showed Caillou walking to Rosie's room and sees the baby again. The father then ask him... if he wants to hold the baby. Ok, I'm not going to deal with it yet until if it actually happens, and its about to become that time. I love it how annoying when Caillou sounds angry, it's feels exactly like a Chinese water torture. The whinny stink bomb stands there piss and the father said that he'll hold her later. Ok, is Caillou's father really that stupid? A no means a no, and he should know that. Why am I angry about that, Caillou angry shouts no in front of his father, and his father is all cool with it. He doesn't care, nor tries to talk about it. (And why the fuck is he smiling?)
And now we get, the most scariest scene I've seen in an educational show. Think about it once I get there. The father lays the baby on the table ALL ALONE! While getting some new diapers, Caillou grabs a chair... He climbs on top of it, and looks at the baby. Before I continue find some good horror music, and play it while I say this.
Caillou for a second has a sinister look, he hugs and kisses Rosie (For some weird reason) and while smiling at Rosie, he puts his finger up, puts it on her cheeks, and before I say it, this is your last chance to get out, every one out who whats to go out. Good, he puts his hand on his OWN sisters cheeks... and...
HE FUCKING PINCH HER! (this may be more scary if the music was replace with horror music)
Ok, now why make it so suspenseful? Listen to me for a few minutes. Caillou, a fucking 2 ½ has the idea to hurt a NEWBORN BABY! To think I hate Dora The Fucking Explorer. No, the real monster is Caillou. And more so he somewhat act's like a kinds but evil person. He gives her a hug and a kiss possibly meant a goodbye and pinch her thinking it will kill her. Let's compare to Max with Caillou and talk about mischievous, brat, and evil.
Mischievous, is something like Max, he tries to get revenge on ruby cause she's bossy, and she deserves it. Brat is something like Caillou, he's spoiled and rotten. Now evil, evil is something like Ren form the Adult Party Cartoon. Caillou here almost past the Moral Event Horizon, he shows no remorse and he hides it cause his father is mentally stupid, more then the Turners or Patrick Star.
I'm agreeing with myself, Caillou is a homicidal kids that's developing a way to kill. Just imagine that if he CHOKE Rosie? Now back to the story. (Also I'm surprised the grandma reading the story didn't stopped reading considering how bad this whole thing is. No wonder this was banned from tv.)
Caillou's father saw what his son did FOR JUST 3 SECONDS, those 3 seconds would have made the parents very mad and worried about there child being this violence OVER A BABY! He picks up the baby slowly and not even heal Rosies pain, I don't know what a pinch will do but I think it will ether bruise or bleed the spot where it was pinch sine SHE'S A DAY OLD! What does the father do, he ask why Caillou did the deed, he did not shout or even punish Caillou, he ask him nicely cause he's mentally stupid. Caillou says he hates Rosie cause he's a fucking shitty meat bag of flesh with a bitchy voice and an asshole personality that needed to be aborted. (I also like how Caillou is talking in complete sentences like he usually does after pinching Rosie, yes kids pinch your sisters or babies to talk like a boss)
The father ask why, and here's what made me range... Cause Rosie doesn't play with Caillou... (Told you, Caillou must be smart to know that his parents are brain dead.) Excuse me for a moment...
*I get into my car and drives to Caillou's house, I crash my car into the house and carries my gun. I shoots the heads of the parents and beats the living hell out of Caillou. I shoot him multiple times until his body is now ash. I take Rosie to an orphanage, and comes back*
Sorry about that, now lets finish this. The father then tells Caillou that Rosie is too little to play, and tells him about the good things about being a big brother. He even tells Caillou that he can protect Rosie cause she's so small. Even tells him that it's not easy being a older brother... This moral is the most fuck up one I've ever seen.
And then we get, and you won't believe it, a poop joke. This is an educational show right? I know it's meant to be funny and educational show's can be a comedy but what was the point of it? Again I give it a point for making me laugh. And then we get our climax. The cat Gilbert that only appears for just this moment goes to the mother. And the mother said if he was feeling left out too... So wait, the mother knows why was Caillou acting like this and she didn't even reason with him? She's a bitch like Lois Griffin. And the moral gets more confusing.
And here's the last thing we need to remember, the age of Caillou in this episode. Remember he's 2 ½? His mother ask if he want to hold her, Caillou agrees and hold her. Now what's the big deal? Actually, a child is not suppose to be able to hold a baby until age 11, so it basically was illegal for Cailliou to hold Rosie. (This is because he could've dropped her with his size) Or basically the parents cause THEY SHOULD KNOW THIS!!! Caillou kiss her and smells her, the mother ask what's wrong and Caillou said that Rosie smells good... (So Caillou has a smell fetish?) that's a stupid way to end an episode. And then it finally ends.
Thank the lord. You thought Arthur's Big Hit was bad, just wait till you see the entire Caillou series. This show was somewhat praised in PBS Spout channel, I saw a commercial about the show on the program. In the commercial a man was cheering on for something on TV like he's watching a football game. And when the kids and the mother ask what's going, the father said that he's cheering on cause Caillou is dancing, and when it showed a new special episode of Caillou, it showed Caillou dancing very shitty.
Wanna know what's more worst? This episode was just abandoned, the creator of the show let this slide and then let this get banned. Seriously? Wouldn't she said that it should not be shown BEFORE it was animated and stuff? And why isn't this talk about more? A 2 and a half years old holds and pinches a NEWBORN BABY!
Yeah this show is over-praised on some channel. If you really want your kids to see Caillou, show them the Puppet segments, cause that's the only good about this show. Don't show the cartoon, the songs, or the other ones, just the puppet part.
Rexy, Teddy, and Gilbert are the only thing good about this... Wait hold on for a second.
*I go back and grabs Caillou's 2 toys and Gilbert and nukes the house*
These 3 characters should have been in Toy Story instead of Caillou. So what was I saying, oh yeah, this show sucks. Please don't watch this, or at your own risk. It's that bad. But thank god it's cancled. Now we can live on happy. Caillou is now suffering in hell to become the next satan, his parents are in a mental hospital because they're stupid. Rosie lived with beautiful parents, and has become a great author. Rex, Teddy, and Gilbert are now joining Disney for Toy Story 4.
Yeah, so that's it for my review. Thanks for reading. Now excuse me while I go refresh my mind with creativity cause I lost them while watching this episode 13 times to review this.
"Caillou" is own by The PBS Company
"Big Brother Caillou" was written by the Devils in order to feed on the imaginations from kids that they lost when watching this show. (In other words IDK)
This was made for review purposes and falls under Fair use. No copyright infringement was intended in this review. Thank you for reading. And remember kids, NEVER PINCH BABIES!!!
Wikipedia Article: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caillou
Mr. Enter's Notebook Base: fav.me/d6sfrjh
Special thanks to MrEnter for getting me into the Animation Community. I do this in order to learn what's good and what's bad in cartoons. Most of my words are from himself. Thank you Mr. Enter.
btw, for the part where you said to listen to horror music, the main theme from "The Exorcist" works quite nicely.